For a long time when I heard people say the phrase “trust the process,” I thought they were full of it. I didn’t know what it meant to just let go and at the same time truly believe that whatever was going on would work out for the better.
2019 has been a lot about me learning to let go. Letting go of the societal pressures of where I think I “should be” at 26. Letting go of trying to rush my path and most importantly learning to make the best of my current situation even though I’m not where I want to be in many ways.
A lot of my friends are in committed relationships with partners they’re likely to spend the rest of their lives with, rent or own beautiful homes, have 401ks, and some even have started family’s. I don’t have any of these things, which in the past I would’ve fixated on (and still do sometimes) but since I’ve started to incorporate a gratitude practice into my daily routine I’ve realized what I HAVE created for myself in a fairly short amount of time.
I have freedom. This year, I took the steps to get health insurance so I could go to therapy and heal. I somehow was aligned with the most incredible therapist who was the first person I called in my search. Getting matched with her felt like true divine intervention. She helped me heal from depression, learn to manage my anxiety and let go of a lot of pain I didn’t need to carry with me any more. I also started consistently practicing yoga at a studio I really love, this has helped me feel into my body and learn to appreciate it more for what it can do than just what it looks like. I’ve learned the value of investing in myself and my business by hiring various business coaches, my current coach who I love and am going to see and work with in the UK is Laura Rose. I bought myself a brand new car! This was my first big purchase and I’m really proud that I was able to do it on my own without a co-signer. Lastly, I’ve learned to really lean on my friends. I’ve been blessed to have several long-term relationships as well as a few new ones come into my life that make me feel supported and safe and I’ve learned to let go of any that don’t make me feel this way. A lot of these women pushed me to take the leap of faith and book this trip to London.
Next stop… London. My flight leaves in 6 days!
The truth is I’m really scared. My old shell is cracking and I feel an overwhelming sense of nostalgia letting go of comfort and familiarity, but at the same time I hear that voice from deep within the depths of my soul telling me it’s time to move forward. I’m scared of moving to an expensive place and having to live off of my savings without a consistent income. I’m scared of leaving my family, especially my mom after all that we’ve endured over the past couple years. I’m scared of having too much freedom and trying to find meaning in a new place so far away. And lastly, I’m scared of spending so much time alone even though I’ve really grown to love my alone time.
At the same time a lot of these things excite me. I’m excited that I’m gifting myself this time to really explore myself and discover what it is I want out of life away from anything that feels familiar and frankly a bit complacent. I know I will be fine, because I traveled to Europe for a similar amount of time six years ago and I spent the most glorious and inspiring summer in Spain. Travel teaches us a lot about ourselves and strengthens our confidence in our different abilities and aspects of ourselves.
I know 2.5 months doesn’t seem like that much time, but it does when you’re leaping into something and you don’t know how it will turn out. But somehow I feel okay and trusting. I feel like I’m finally living as the truest version of myself, really not caring what others think and just listening to my inner guiding light.
I’ll be sharing more updates here and on @aly_nagel while abroad.
“Wealth is the ability to fully experience life.” – Henry David Thoreau